


Five Things Guy Secretan Doesn't Like About Himself

by Sab



Category: Green Wing
Genre: (Uploaded by Punk), Gen, Guy/satin pants OTP, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-01
Updated: 2006-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-03 12:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sab/pseuds/Sab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Does what it says on the tin. (Uploaded by Punk, from iamsab.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things Guy Secretan Doesn't Like About Himself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mazily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazily/gifts).



> I did not include the, um, obvious thing Guy hates about himself, for, um, obvious reasons.

1\. The fact that bloody Zurich is a bloody _bustling metropolis_ rich in art and culture, music and cuisine and poetry, and nobody bloody cares because it's in bloody _Switzerland_ and they're all too bloody busy bloody _skiing._

2\. Hair this good doesn't come easily. He lost a really, no, seriously, _really fucking hot_ bird once because she woke up when he was still under his heating lamp, curlers in and reading Hello! She didn't even say anything, just shoved her thong in her back pocket and called a cab from the sidewalk.

3\. Secretly? He's a giant bleeding poofter. Not in the way that he wants to be drilled up the bum, except maybe by Mac, but more in that he's a fucking pansy who just pretends to have balls because he pretended once, a long time ago, and Charlotte'd smacked him in the jaw and it was the best sex he'd ever had. Sometimes he wishes he could find a nice girl who likes Chinese takeaway and old repeats of Blackadder, but instead he finds himself shopping for leopard-print satin pants far more often than one would suspect a reasonable man in his thirties would require new pants.

4\. He's always wished he'd found a way to work a weighted cricket bat into Guyball. Now every time he tries to bring his out for the battering round, some git tags him for a foul and he's always stuck sitting the third quarter out from the bench.

5\. Left nut's bigger than the right.


End file.
